


waxing and waning

by yunmin



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Post-Star Wars: Return of the Jedi, Pre-Star Wars: Return of the Jedi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-21
Updated: 2017-02-21
Packaged: 2018-09-26 03:02:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9859232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yunmin/pseuds/yunmin
Summary: Once upon a time, Lando Calrissian met a man named Biggs Darklighter, and spent the night with him. Five years later, when he comes to the Rebellion, he finds out Biggs’ fate.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [spookykingdomstarlight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spookykingdomstarlight/gifts).
  * Inspired by [the tides](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9490124) by [spookykingdomstarlight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spookykingdomstarlight/pseuds/spookykingdomstarlight). 



> You probably want to go and read spookykingdomstarlight’s [the tides](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9490124) first, or this is going to make approximately zero sense?
> 
> Okay. So this is all spooky’s fault. Well, I guess it might be slightly my fault, in that when I read the tides my brain immediately went to the angstiest possible conclusion, of ‘what happens when Lando finds out Biggs is dead? what happens when Luke finds out?’
> 
> So, guys, here is the resultant fic.

After they escape from Bespin. After they’ve found the Rebellion. After the Falcon is escorted in by the CAP and the medical staff have come aboard and taken a now-failing, tender Luke off to safety, Lando turns to Leia with a single question.

“Skywalker.” Leia is standing on the edge of the Falcon’s gangway, her dark hair falling in limp strands around her face. Back with the Rebellion, with Luke receiving care, the adrenaline of their flight is wearing off. Standing there, Lando suddenly realises how young she is, how vulnerable she is, how tired she is. He swore to Han that he’d protect her. He intends to keep that promise. “That’s an Outer Rim name, right?”

Leia raises an eyebrow, looking Lando over, considering whether she should answer. “Yes.” Her tone is cautious, and a little confused. “He’s from Tatooine, originally.”

The Skywalker name is hardly unknown throughout the Galaxy. Lando is old enough to remember the Republic broadcasts during the Clone Wars, how one of the Jedi – the Hero with No Fear – was named General Skywalker. But in that moment, when Leia says Tatooine, Lando is taken back five years, to a Cantina on Bestine where a dark-haired man had caught his eye. He’d taken that man to his bed for a night, and never quite managed to shake the memory of him.

His name was Biggs Darklighter and he was from Tatooine, too, an Imperial cadet who’d been without faith. Ripe for defection to the Rebellion. Lando wonders if he ever made it to them.

He’s not sure if he wants to find out.

Even if he did manage to escape the Empire, Lando doubts that the starfighter pilots in the Rebellion really have a life-expectancy much above TIE pilots. The chances are that he’s dead, either way, and Lando doesn’t need confirmation of that right now.

So he buries the memory back into his chest, and does not think about it. There are people here and now who need him. He doesn’t need to think anymore on a boy he only knew for a night.

.

Wedge Antilles reminds Lando of Biggs.

Only a little; they’re alike on the surface, dark-haired and dark-eyed, a little cocky and full of grit and determination when it comes to what they believe in. Lando is probably projecting Biggs’ smirk onto the other man. In reality, Wedge is cold and perfunctory. He has his job and he knows it, and seems bothered by little else. Lando’s heard that he’s been through a lot – a career with the Rebellion that stretches back years, one of the longest-serving pilots they have left. He survived Yavin and he survived Hoth and has been in enough skirmishes that his odds are long since up.

He helped take down a Death Star previously. Is one of only two pilots in the Galaxy who fought the thing up close and lived to tell the tale, which is why Lando asked him to help plan the attack on the second Death Star.

Wedge knows the pilots. Wedge knows the game. Lando’s a little surprised that Wedge hasn’t been invited to lead the assault. Then Lando cracks a bad joke, one he instantly regrets, about hoping that more of them come back alive than they did last time.

Wedge stops. His face turns thunderous. For just a moment, Lando glimpses the anger that is brewing under the surface of this cold, calm man. He’s still dealing with the consequences of the first Death Star run. He’s in no place to lead this one.

Wedge pulls his datapad up, accessing a file, and thrusts it at Lando. “This isn’t a laughing matter.” His voice is clipped, his words laced with ice. “Twenty-one good men and women lost their lives above Yavin taking the Death Star out. I will not have you making a mockery of their memory.”

Lando halts the protest that rises up in his throat. No matter his intentions, he hit a sore spot with Wedge. So he takes the list. Scans through the list of names, the pilots who flew into the same situation he’s about to face. He’s not read the names of the fallen before. _Puck Naeco. Jek Tono Porkins. Jon Vander. Garven Dreis._

_Biggs Darklighter_.

“Darklighter.” Lando whispers the name to himself. He looks up to find that Wedge is half-way out the door. “Biggs Darklighter.” He raises his voice and Wedge stops in his tracks, turning back to face Lando. “How did he die?”

Wedge’s mouth pulls into a complicated expression. His eyes blink rapidly as he re-evaluates the situation. “He died in the trench run, protecting Luke. He was the last to die.” Wedge steps back into the room, letting the door fall closed again. “It was only moments before Han turned up and shot the last of the TIEs off Luke so he could make the shot. If Han had got there earlier… if I hadn’t had to pull out the trench… Biggs might still be alive. But he isn’t. He died in that trench, Lando, just as some of our pilots are going to die taking this thing down again.” Wedge’s eyes are soft. Lando thinks he might be close to tears. “All those pilots have stories, Lando. All of them made sacrifices. I don’t know if you can understand that, but please respect it.”

“I do. I’m sorry.” Wedge frowns but he doesn’t say anything. Lando sighs, setting the datapad down on a table. “Let’s call it quits for today. Look at the plan tomorrow with fresh eyes.”

Wedge nods, turning to leave. “Wedge—?” Lando voices it in desperation, because he needs to know definitively. “Darklighter. Dark hair, moustache, cocky smirk, from Tatooine?”

Wedge’s eyes go wide with recognition, and Lando has it confirmed. Biggs is dead. “That’s Biggs.” Wedge’s voice cracks, and his eyes are definitely wet. Lando wonders how well Wedge knew the other man, how long they spent together as squadron mates before Biggs died. It can’t have been that long. “You knew him?”

“Met him once.” Lando attempts to sound casual about it. “He’s not someone you forget in a hurry.”

“No, he isn’t.” Wedge closes his eyes and his mouth pulls into a soft smile. Whatever went on there, Biggs left an impression on Wedge as deep as the one he left on Lando. And Lando can still remember the indents that Biggs’ fingers left on his skin. He doesn’t envy Wedge at all, who appears to bear the death of his friend as a weight that circles his neck. “You should talk to Luke,” Wedge says out of the blue. Seeing Lando’s confusion, he continues. “They knew each other, on Tatooine. Childhood friends. Talk to him.”

.

It takes Lando a while to track down Luke. It takes him longer to get up the guts to talk to him. When he finally does, it’s three weeks after Endor, and Luke is looking morose out the hangar windows of one of the captured Star Destroyers, watching a set of X-Wings zoom past.

“You alright there?” Lando drops to sit down beside Luke.

“Yeah.” Luke shrugs. “Just handed over command of Rogue Squadron to Wedge for the foreseeable future. It feels weird.”

“Always does, leaving something you built from the ground up behind.” Lando knows what that’s like. He did his best to save Cloud City; he tried to keep his people safe. There was nothing more that he could have done. And yet he still lost it. Someday, he might try again, to build something else. Until that day, he’ll stick with the Rebellion, with his new friends, helping them forge something good in the galaxy.

“Wedge and I built that squadron up from nothing.” Luke sighs. “I guess if I was to hand it over to anyone, I’m glad it’s him. Wedge knows what he’s doing. He’ll remember our dead, and he’ll fight for our legacy. I couldn’t ask for anyone better.”

Lando sees his opportunity. “Biggs Darklighter,” he says, plunging straight in. Luke had brought up the dead, after all. “Wedge said you were his friend.”

Luke chuckles. A smile comes over his face, his eyes crinkling at the edges, and his expression is fond with memory. “Friend, eh?” His eyes are blue and sparkling under the harsh lights of the hangar. “Yes, we were friends, and more than that, sometimes. Why? He’s before your time with the Rebellion; he died at Yavin, protecting me.”

“I know. Wedge told me.” Lando takes a deep breath. He’s not sure how to say this to Luke. “I met him. On Bestine. He was still Imperial then, on leave – with friends, I believe – and we…” The words stick in Lando’s throat. It’s harder than he’d like to admit to think about Biggs, to put all this into words, especially to a man who meant so much more to Biggs than Lando ever could.

“You can say you slept together, if that’s what happened.” Luke waves it off, far more laid-back than Lando could ever be. “I won’t be offended, if that’s what you’re worried about. He loved me, I knew that, but he never said it and we didn’t make any promises. I know he was with people who weren’t me.” Lando raises an eyebrow at Luke, questioning how he came by this knowledge. “Wedge,” Luke says, by way of explanation, and for a moment Lando wonder if Wedge was the one who told Luke about Biggs’ relationships or if— “They were… I don’t know. Something.”

That would explain the intensity of Wedge’s reaction. The crack in his voice as he spoke about Biggs. How his tone had been somber and a little wistful.

“I slept with Biggs,” Lando confirms. “Had a drink or two with him, played cards. An evening of conversation. Told him to look me up if he ever made it out my way, and that never happened…”

He trails off. “So, what?” Luke enquires gently, pushing Lando for more. His voice holds no judgement; he’s just genuinely curious.

“I don’t know,” Lando admits. He doesn’t know what he’s doing here. Is he chasing ghosts, or attempting to lay them to rest. “Wedge—” And here they are again, back at Wedge Antilles, and Lando doesn’t know how he keeps getting back here. “He told me I should talk to you. So here I am. Talking to you about a dead man who I barely knew.”

“Wedge is good like that.” Luke shuffles a little closer to Lando, his knee brushing up against Lando’s shin. The contact is pleasant, grounding Lando. “Do you want me to tell you about him? Would that help?”

Lando thinks. He looks at Luke, who’s radiating calmness and hope – that Jedi mantle not showing a crack – and says: “Sure. It can’t hurt. I’d like to know more about him, beyond what he told me.” Then, with a touch of his hand to Luke’s knee, Lando adds: “If you don’t mind. I wouldn’t want to upset you.”

Luke’s lips pull into a soft smile and his eyes crease, and Lando gets the feeling that he’s pleasantly surprised at the concern. There’s a tendency, Lando’s noticed, to treat Luke like he’s untouchable, like he’s moved beyond mortal concerns, but he’s still a man – a young one at that – trying to make his way in the world. Capable, yes, Lando’s never doubted that, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t need people watching his back. “I offered.” Luke looks out across the vastness of space that lies before them, getting lost in the thousands of stars and planets out there. “So, you’ve been to Tatooine. It’s a dust ball, furthest place you could get from the brightest lights in the Galaxy, and Biggs was the brightest bestest thing on that rock. At least to a silly kid like me. He was older, and his father was rich – the Darklighters are four-generations free – but he still made time for me. He’d come looking for me on the farm, beg my Uncle to let me go, just for the afternoon, and he’d take me out in his speeder, racing through the canyons…”

Luke’s voice is wistful. Lando doesn’t say anything. It’s not his place to interrupt, just to let Luke talk and get all this out. “When I was eleven,” Luke says, “we went racing, and I beat him for the first time. That adrenaline high, of threading the needle, of flight, of winning… it’s like nothing else. You know that feeling.”

Lando looks up at Luke, and finds that Luke is scrutinising him, an enquiring eyebrow raised. “Yeah. I do,” he chokes out. He knows that thrill. He spent half his younger years chasing it in vain, because it’s temporary at best. You can’t build a life on it.

“And then I got out my ship and Biggs was there, clapping me on the shoulder, pulling me into a congratulatory hug, and I thought my heart would pound out my chest. Biggs had a way of making me feel special, even as all the other kids thought I was a fool. I think he did that to everyone; if he focused his attention on you, it was like he and you were the only people in the universe.”

Lando thinks back to a time before, in a dusty Cantina, where dark eyes had picked him out across a crowd. And he thinks about now, being under Luke Skywalker’s gaze, and the feeling is the same.

Together, Biggs and Luke must have been something. Two shooting stars, bright sparks that circled each other in near-perfect orbit. What they could have done, if they’d both made it off Tatooine and to the Rebellion and _lived_ , because they came _so_ close that Lando’s heart is breaking for the future that Luke isn’t going to get. That he could have had with Biggs, what the two of them could have _done_ together.

“I remember when I was fourteen I was grounded for some reason or other, and Biggs came and snuck me out, took me out into the Dune Sea in his speeder. He even let me drive the thing, which he never did, but I guess he felt sorry for me. I’d had my speeder and my ship taken away by my Uncle – wait, that’s it, he’d caught me racing and put a stop to it. Not that it did, not with Biggs around to get me into trouble.” Luke laughs brightly in remembrance, and Lando is glad that Luke’s finding delight in these old memories. “Anyway, Biggs was about to take me back, before Uncle Owen noticed I was gone, and then his bloody speeder breaks down!”

“I’m ready to tear him a new one – you didn’t cross my Uncle – and panicking about how we get it fixed, how we’re gonna get home, and Biggs just quietly fetched the toolbox and handed me a wrench and we got to work fixing the damn thing. And he drove me back, and then when he got me home – my Uncle had found out, and he was fuming – Biggs stood his ground and took the brunt of my Uncle’s temper. Spent a good half an hour outside the front of the house arguing my case.”

“It’s—” Luke pauses. “Biggs and my Uncle disagreed a lot. They didn’t get on. Uncle Owen wanted to keep me home and safe – for good reason, I guess, knowing what I do now. Biggs always thought I belonged out amongst the stars, that I could do so much more. He pushed me when I was too afraid to push myself. I’d be a worse man without him. I think that evening, as he grabbed his cloak and told me, in front of my aunt and uncle, that he’d see me tomorrow, rules be damned, before turning to leave; that’s the moment I realised I was in love with him.”

Luke wrings his hands, staring out into space. Lando gives him a moment, to sit in reflection. He needs the time too. He’s so unsure of what to say, of whether there is anything he can say in the wake of all this that has passed between them, the recollection of a man they’d both loved – even if for only a moment – who has been dead for so long.

In the end, Lando doesn’t say anything. Slowly, he wraps his arm around Luke’s shoulders, pulling the other man close. Luke doesn’t resist – he leans into Lando, laying his head on Lando’s shoulder and reaching a hand across so that Luke’s fingers spread out over Lando’s knee.

Lando can feel Luke breathing, the soft rise and fall of his chest. He likes that. Feeling the sense of someone – of Luke specifically – alive, next to him. He’d almost forgotten how nice it felt.

They sit there for an imperceivable amount of time. Lando feels the coarse material of Luke’s tunics under his hand, compared to the softness of Luke’s golden strands of hair against his cheek. Eventually Luke lifts his head, and turns to look at Lando. “Thank you,” he says.

“For what?”

“You gave me a chance to remember him. I don’t get many chances these days.”

Lando’s face creases into a smile. “Of course. No problem. I liked learning a little more about him, about the man he was.”

Luke stands up, brushing himself off, then offers a hand down to Lando. Lando lets himself be pulled up by Luke’s strong hand, which stays wrapped around Lando’s even when Lando is back on his feet. “Listen.” Luke is suddenly standing close, looking up at Lando through dark lashes and – drat, Lando should know better than to fall for young flyboys these days. They have only ever brought him trouble. “We should do this again sometime. You and me. Maybe without the morbid discussion of the dead boyfriend – though I have more stories about Biggs, if you’d like to hear them.”

“I would,” Lando says, because Luke needs someone to listen to his stories, the stories of the boy he once was, not the Jedi he’s become. “And I’d like that. To spend time with you. Irrespective of Biggs.”

Luke’s expression widens into a soft grin. “Good.” He leans up, and places a kiss to Lando’s cheek. “See you later, Lando.”

Several hours later, in the middle of a command meeting, Lando finds his fingers still lingering over the trace of Luke’s lips on his skin. Damn it. Apparently he hasn’t learnt a single thing over the years.


End file.
